Divorce is hard on the whole family, especially children. When you decide to part ways with your spouse, telling your children may be one of the hardest things you have to do during the divorce process. Your children will remember this conversation for years to come, and how you approach breaking the news will have a significant impact on their well-being. It’s important to be calm, honest, and empathetic. You should also know what you will say in advance and present a united front with your spouse.
The following are some tips on how to talk to your children about divorce:
When considering how to talk to your children about divorce, it’s vital to know what you will say in advance. Keep the conversation simple and honest. While what you tell your children will depend upon their age and maturity level, you should never involve them in adult issues. If the conversation doesn’t go as planned, that’s okay; you will be having many of these types of conversations with your child as you go through the divorce process.
If possible, break the news about the divorce to your children with your spouse. This shows your children you are a unified front and reassures them that you both still care about them. This can also help to demonstrate that neither of you blames the other for the marriage falling apart and can set a strong foundation for a healthy co-parenting relationship.
Children often blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. Depending on their age, they might believe their behavior caused the divorce. Reassure your children that the divorce is not their fault to help ease their anxiety and build emotional resilience. Significantly, this may be an ongoing conversation and you might need to remind them more than once that they are not to blame.
When thinking about how to talk to your children about divorce, be mindful that you will need to explain things in an age-appropriate manner. How you would tell an elementary school-age child might be very different from how you discuss your divorce with a teenager. The way your child responds to the news may also differ depending on their age.
Even if you and your spouse are not amicable, do not make negative comments about them to your children. While children often see themselves as part of both parents, making disparaging remarks can significantly impact a child’s self-esteem. You should also keep your children away from any conflict or arguments. If you and your spouse are not able to communicate in a healthy manner, you might consider using a co-parenting app that can monitor your interactions and help reduce any emotional triggers.
Divorce will bring many changes to your child’s life. Explain to them what will change and what will stay the same. This can give them a sense of security and reassure them that their needs will be met. For example, you might reassure them that their living arrangements and school will remain the same. Let your children know that even though their parents will no longer be living together, they will still spend quality time with each of you.
When they hear about your divorce, your children are likely to experience a wide range of emotions. They might feel confused, sad, angry, anxious, or scared. Help them identify their emotions. Let them know that what they are feeling is normal and encourage them to express their emotions to you. Remind them that they can talk to you about what they are feeling, no matter what.
When you talk to your children about divorce, they might have many questions. Let them know it’s okay to ask whatever questions they have, and keep an open dialogue. Younger children who need more reassurance might ask the same questions repeatedly. It can be helpful to prepare some answers to common questions your children might ask, including:
Thinking about the questions your children may ask in advance can help ensure you aren’t caught off guard and that you are able to coordinate your answers with your co-parent.
Divorce is a major change for children. Be patient with them as you go through the process. Practice active listening and keep their routines consistent. Validate your children’s emotions and be sure to make time for activities to maintain your strong bond.
If you are having difficulty with how to talk to your children about divorce, you might consider family counseling. A mental health professional can give you the tools you need to have these conversations with your child and help you navigate the emotional aspects of the divorce process. Counseling can also give your children a safe space to express their emotions without worrying about upsetting their parents.
If you are wondering how to talk to your children about divorce, a knowledgeable and compassionate family law attorney can help. At Duke Law Firm, P.C., we are committed to providing our clients with the counsel they need for a wide variety of divorce and family law matters. Offering personalized time and attention in every case, we work closely with our clients to achieve positive results and ensure the best interests of their children are met. We welcome you to contact us today to learn how we can help.
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